Friday, May 23, 2008


Early Morning Cello

A blog entry without a picture always seems a bit shoddy. Here's a picture of a small cello suspended outside my window. It's not promoting anything, but the skyglow proves I've been getting up early. Indeed it does. The reason why I'm awake to greet each sunrise is because I'm writing academic essays for friends who happen to be university students. These essays are mostly on subjects I know nothing about and the work is therefore taxing and requires many hours of input.

I've done this several times in the past. I once wrote a lengthy dissertation on organic architecture to help a friend get a degree, learning about the subject as I went along. Is that plagiarism? No, it's fraud, a quite separate category. I've also sat exams in the guise of other people, and when invigilating for exams I've always permitted the candidates to cheat. Clearly I am immoral. But I'm also nice. Such seemingly inappropriate, superficially paradoxical combinations move me deeply: sweet and sour, organised chaos, futuretime nostalgia.

A box of the second edition of The Smell of Telescopes is on its way to me: the book was published almost a year ago but I haven't seen it yet. Great! My novelette 'Flecks from the Isle of Chrome' has just been published in Postscripts #14: it's related to my 'Long Chin of the Law' novella. Fab! The Postmodern Mariner has just gone to the printers: will be back soon. Cool! Last week I shaved with chocolate and banana ice cream because I didn't have soap. Ouch!

This cello is suspended in your hand, Sir! I submit it is hardly suspended at all! In fact, it's supported, or propped up by your hand! More false claims! Bah!

I received Postscripts #14 in yesterday's post and declaimed immediately upon seeing your name on the cover 'That's GREAT!' just like Tony the Tiger would have, if he knew of your literary prowess.

I look forward to more words and ideas from you. Please engage in activities to ensure this occurs.

Thank you.
You are right. It's supported rather than suspended. You are my guardian editor, sir!

I will do my best to continue to write and be published. At the moment I am wallowing in chaos. But out of chaos comes order! Out of strength comes sweetness! Out of Africa, Meryl Streep!
tsk tsk!
Can you contain yourself from writing puns into essays? if not you'll be caught in 5 seconds...
But think of the future, in the future scholars will browse thousands of essays in search of your elusive frauds, these papers will be the object of collectors...
Endlessly analyzed...
Just picture the future...
> the future scholars will browse thousands of essays in search of your elusive frauds...

Am I really so egotistical, so narcissistic, so pompous, to have that as my main motivation? Well yes, I guess I am! ;-)

No really, I'm not that bad... Or am I?
I almost died laughing when I read this.

If they paid artists according to their real worth, then there would be no need for this kind of subversive action.

I'm sure the professors enjoy a well-written essay so much more than an earnest poorly-written piece ...
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