Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Crystalbonce
This photo shows the fiendish Crystalbonce. He may look like a bulldog clip balanced on an inverted tealight with a yellow crystal for a head, but I assure you that Crystalbonce is an extremely suave and dastardly robotic being. He's French and his fearsome cry of "C'est pour toi que je suis!" has been known to strike terror even into the unbeating hearts of golems. Which is unfortunate for the hero of the book I've just started writing...
Twisthorn Bellow is an animated clay statue who accidentally falls into a vat of nitro-glycerin, turning him into a living stick of dynamite. He can't use deodorant: his sweat is too risky for that. Together with his sidekicks, Hapi Daze (a giant hand that clicks its fingers to perform feats of telekinesis) and Miss Abortia Stake (a sentient embryo with the power to induce fits of weeping), the morally ambiguous Twisthorn fights real or imagined paranormal threats and conspiracies everywhere. His weapon of choice is a Nubian kpinga, partly because he's an ethnological snob.
Apart from Crystalbonce, his many enemies include the inverted gangster Upside Downey Jr, the were-clown Guttersnipe Chutney, the entire government of France, and Philip José Farmer... Twisthorn has only one mandate: the smashing of unspeakable phenomena! He must battle against vampires, demons, gargoyles, musicians, lamiae, chimeras, basilisks, moths and sundry French things in order to preserve his reputation and maybe earn a knighthood from the Queen. Can he do it? Will he ever be published if he does? I just don't know!
Twisthorn Bellow is an animated clay statue who accidentally falls into a vat of nitro-glycerin, turning him into a living stick of dynamite. He can't use deodorant: his sweat is too risky for that. Together with his sidekicks, Hapi Daze (a giant hand that clicks its fingers to perform feats of telekinesis) and Miss Abortia Stake (a sentient embryo with the power to induce fits of weeping), the morally ambiguous Twisthorn fights real or imagined paranormal threats and conspiracies everywhere. His weapon of choice is a Nubian kpinga, partly because he's an ethnological snob.
Apart from Crystalbonce, his many enemies include the inverted gangster Upside Downey Jr, the were-clown Guttersnipe Chutney, the entire government of France, and Philip José Farmer... Twisthorn has only one mandate: the smashing of unspeakable phenomena! He must battle against vampires, demons, gargoyles, musicians, lamiae, chimeras, basilisks, moths and sundry French things in order to preserve his reputation and maybe earn a knighthood from the Queen. Can he do it? Will he ever be published if he does? I just don't know!
# posted by Rhys Hughes @ 10:08 AM 
Comments:
Incidentally I think that Bob the Lock might make a good antagonist for Twisthorn the golem.
Hey hey! I can go for that! I'll finally be famous, a star in one of your books. However, I'll only agree as long as you promise that when it's made into a film you'll make sure that Brad Pitt plays me (yeah, I know he might be a tad too old, but I don't mind) as the likeness is uncanny...
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I knew his cousin... Crystalmaize, can't remember what cereal he was in but I'm sure it was corny :P
Hey, I thought someone said you were hibernating?
Hey, I thought someone said you were hibernating?
I did try to hibernate, that's true, but my nuts went a bit low -- so I tightened my pants and got up again!
Incidentally I think that Bob the Lock might make a good antagonist for Twisthorn the golem. He's a giant floating padlock who keeps locking vital bits of equipment to lampposts...
Incidentally I think that Bob the Lock might make a good antagonist for Twisthorn the golem. He's a giant floating padlock who keeps locking vital bits of equipment to lampposts...
Incidentally I think that Bob the Lock might make a good antagonist for Twisthorn the golem.
Hey hey! I can go for that! I'll finally be famous, a star in one of your books. However, I'll only agree as long as you promise that when it's made into a film you'll make sure that Brad Pitt plays me (yeah, I know he might be a tad too old, but I don't mind) as the likeness is uncanny...
Bob, the likeness between you and Brad Pitt certainly is "uncanny".
But I'd go even further and say it's "impossible"...
But I'd go even further and say it's "impossible"...
The plot is uncannily close to 'Mother Wore Tights; except for the bit about the French. I used Germans. Sounds like a good read, though; would like to hear more.....
Bob, the likeness between you and Brad Pitt certainly is "uncanny".
But I'd go even further and say it's "impossible"...
Ahh, perhaps he is too old then...
But I'd go even further and say it's "impossible"...
Ahh, perhaps he is too old then...
Twisthorn B. Sounds like our regular non-hero guy!
Are you planning on doing a complete novel or just a collection of short stories/episodes?
Are you planning on doing a complete novel or just a collection of short stories/episodes?
Yes it will be a complete novel, but the chapters will function as short stories too, somewhat in the manner of Roger Zelazny's 'Dilvish the Damned'.
That's the easiest way to write a novel, of course... But there *will* be a grand story arc -- something connected with the rumoured Walnut Whip Helmet. I daren't say more!
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That's the easiest way to write a novel, of course... But there *will* be a grand story arc -- something connected with the rumoured Walnut Whip Helmet. I daren't say more!
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