Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Moby K. Dick

This photo shows the paranoia whale, Moby K. Dick, after he was released from his mug prison. He is sprawling across the main road between Porthcawl and Ogmore-by-Sea, blocking the path of a truck carrying a cargo of sea glass. Only joking -- there's no such road! Moby K. Dick is pink, but that's not his natural skin tone. On the contrary, nobody knows his true colour. The fact of the matter is that he emits pink light through his blowhole and some of the rays collapse back down on top of him.

Moby K. Dick first featured in a story called 'Return to Zenda' which was about Elvis impersonators in Ruritania. That story was published in my Sereia de Curitiba book in Portuguese, but still hasn't appeared in English. Moby has also played a role in 'Rommel Cobra's Swimming Carnival', 'The Private Pirate's Club', 'Whaling Well' and 'Eight Blathering Buccaneers'. In the near future he will probably appear in many more tails -- I mean tales. Michael Bishop also incorporated Moby K. Dick into the playful Story/Introduction he wrote for my Crystal Cosmos book, leading one reviewer (Evelyn C. Leeper) to attribute the invention of the paranoia whale to Mr. Bishop. Inaccurate reviewing is the bane of my writing life!

And yet, at this particular moment in time, the main unanswered question remains: who released Moby K. Dick by upsetting his mug prison (observant fellows will note it's an Odyssey 2010 mug)? Which scoundrel would dare such a thing? We don't really have far to look to discover the villain of this cetacean japery! Yes, it's the pirate China Melville himself! China Melville's ear was bitten off by Moby, so he replaced it with a giant barbiturate. China has never forgiven Moby for the disfiguration and has vowed to eternally hunt his tormentor, which explains why he has released the paranoia whale just now. You can't hunt what's already captive!

For more monstrous nonsense along roughly similar lines, here's a guest blog I have written for Gestalt Mash. It's about Mike Mignola and Hellboy and how they both inspired me.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
Heh heh heh!
Or as China Melville might say:
Har har har!
I was in Return to Zenda wasn't I? Does that mean I am also trapped in a mug? Or do you keep all of your characters in different receptacles?
You in a mug, Ronny? I think you are more likely to be kept in a teapot. Or in a bong.
A teapot would be best. I would get a slide and a sunroof and I don't think I want anything more in life than a slide and a sunroof.
I finally understand that reference to a "slide" and a "sunroof" in a teapot! The slide is the spout; and the sunroof is the lid! Of course! Brilliant!
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